… is much more difficult than I thought it would be!
My mind has been plagued by a constant battle for about a month now – exactly a month actually. What is it about you ask? A month ago, we finally put up a date for something we always sat down to plan, but never did – moving back to Bengaluru. We always knew we would move back someday, only that it kept getting delayed – delayed by nothing else but the life we have set up for ourselves here. Not only about getting used to the place which we have begun to call as ‘Home’, not only about growing and maturing so much as husband-wife (we had moved here as newly-weds), and not just about learning to run the home so well (ahem:P) on our own. It’s much more than that – it is here that we found the purpose of our lives (or did the purpose find us!?!), it’s about the huge family we have here. One of the prime reasons we are moving back, actually the sole reason I think, is because we have family there – both sets of parents to start with, and many others too. And we are a very very close-knit family *touchwood*. But still, there is something which has stopped me from being 100% happy. I realize it time and again when I discuss about the move with the family. The excitement on the other side – I have never been able to match that! I felt guilty to start with, but now not so much.
I have a family here – the huge family of volunteers who have become much more than that – my companions in the cause, in the purpose; they have become friends. They are people with whom we dine out, watch movies, celebrate festivals, everything. And then there are people – in the slums, in the orphanages, in the schools, everywhere, who make my life so much more colourful and meaningful. Are they not family too – the 100s to whom I am Akka, Madam (though I don’t like being called this :-/) and what not! YFS is like my baby and will always remain the first one, a baby which has grown to 1000s of volunteers and 100s of locations today, in just 4 years!
Today, when I went to play Holi with girls at the remand home here, a little one addressed me as ‘Amma’. The other girls giggled and asked her why she was calling ‘Akka’ as ‘Amma’. She had a question mark on her face and before she could ask me, I told her she could ofcourse call me ‘Amma’. She was elated, went on with the chants of ‘Amma’, ‘Amma’ till I was there, telling me 100 and one things. If this is not family, what is!
But then I realized. My family – the 2 sets of parents especially, it is their right ofcourse, but they also deserve to have us close to them. Not just for being family, but because they are so marvellous, so encouraging, for having never snatched away the freedom from us to do what we want, for making us whatever we are today. That, and the fact that if I have found a purpose in life, it should not have the strings of attachment and possessiveness, attached to it. It should be beyond places, beyond people. That would be the test of my commitment to the purpose. I think I have made peace with myself, not 100% yet may be, but somewhere close.
Bengaluru folks, indulge me already and make me feel good, will you?:)
P.S: We will be moving there in May-June! Thanks for asking 😉
P.P.S: Happy Holi everyone 🙂