A part or Apart?

Summer 2007 it ws – scorching heat in the month of May – but still, the silk saree and heavy jewellery only kept her happy! It ws her wedding that day – a once in a lifetime affair. She was going to be a part of his life and so would he in her life! ‘Until death do us apart‘ is what would have been on their minds!

She had a Masters in Chemistry, he had only cleared his 12th and had just abt a decent government job.  Her age which mattered most in the society which does nothing good other than wag their tongue had made her take this decision, probably, more for the sake of her family than for herself! Yes, the life of her younger sister who was not getting any younger and had to be married off sooner than later was on her mind all the time. Whoever made this custom – get married @ this age, the elder one has to be married before .. ridiculous! All that apart, she was happy! She was going to be married too and have a family of her own .. a loving and caring husband, their own sweet children, an adorable extended family was all she was thinking about! Money, education nothing mattered to her!

The wedding bells rang…. amidst the chanting of hymns, the traditional music in the background, the two were united for life in the sacred bond of marriage!

But alas, happiness was short-lived! It took just 2 months to discover the monster who was hidden in the husband. As though the lakhs of money they had taken during the wedding was not enough, there were now demands for land which her father refused outright! Then came the demands for household appliances. The brother, all he wanted was that the sister should lead a happy married life, went on to spend more and buy them all … it was for his sister after all! But then! Man and his selfish desires .. the wants kept increasing and so were the demands. To add to it, it never felt like the man loved his wife! All he wanted was probably Money!

And then she decided! She would not tolerate any more! She walked out – a 2 month-old, newly-wed bride. She took a bold stand! She did not care for what the society would say. She was educated .. was standing on her own feet. She did not want to ‘adjust’ or ‘sacrifice’ or ‘compromise’ as the society would have asked her to! She hd already tried enough. Her family stood by her all through!

To add to this, the man was extremely suspicious. Every phone call she made, every discussion she had with a neighbour was scrutinized and she would be questioned! It had reached such a level that a few of her neighbours also called her maternal side and asked them to take her away. She bid a final good-bye to all this. I really admire her for her strength! It might not be an easy decision! 100 things like family pride, dependencies etc… might be playing on her mind but she did it! She kicked all these thorns on her way and made a strong decision to throw him away from her life! She wanted to stay Apart now not as  a part of his life.

The dowry system has been a real bane! It does so much harm to the society but even so-called educated people are not above it. It ws the root cause even in this case. I had written a post about this evil practice before. It pains to see people who are victims of this and are not even questioning abt the same! I ws shocked when a person told me his wife has got to learn things from her SIL and what ws it she had to learn??? The girl had not questioned her parents abt the dowry they were going to pay!!!!! I hd ranted abt this moron before too but sorry could not help but mention this here!

Anyways, this is about a friend and I am proud of her that she has taken this call .. she hs not lost her balance in between all these adversities! Its been 2 yrs that she hs been away from him and the fellow is playing really smart! He is not available on phone, has changed his house and does not reply to letters too! We have been trying for long and finally decided to file a case against him! As our lawyer suggested it would be faster if we could apply for divorce through mutual consent, the brother started hunting for him and by God’s grace, finally found him and after some altercations, he has agreed for the divorce too .. probably he felt its better than having a case filed against him!

She is going to write her Class-1 exams and her father still feels she should not go for a divorce and that her husband will take care back once she becomes an officer! WTH! Why does he care so much for a marriage in which there is no love or trust or understanding? Again for the society?  Doesn’t that mean the husband will then come back for a officer and not for his wife?Why does the fear of acceptance in the society make one so blind? I know its difficult to follow than to speak, but in my own family, I have my Mom’s cousin sister who walked out of an abusive marriage and let alone leave on her own, even took care of her Mother by herself! And this was when the son could not take care of his Mother! And there are &*$^ who talk abt Male kids baah!  And I have seen my entire family stand in unison against that man who lost the battle so badly and had no face to even say a word against her!

I am happy that my friend’s family, her Mom, brother have all stood by her, even against her father and are taking care that she does not get influenced by the father’s decision! And, she hs really been strong, had remained composed and hs made a really firm decision!

And here we stand just days away from the D-day, the day she will be legally free! I just hope it sails smoothly! Pls, pls pass on ur best wishes to her! She needs them all!

All I want to say by sharing this is its very much true we want people to lead a happy married life but not at the cost of ur own individuality, not a life devoid of mutual respect, trust and understanding! It does not make sense that you keep trying all life to instill some sense into the mind of a monster who thinks being a Man makes him stronger and gives him the license to abuse his wife! What if someone does it to his own sister? Why can’t people put themselves in others shoes and feel what they are going through?

Its been said from ages that ur husband is God! I just have a question here to all those wives who have been silently worshipping their husbands, no matter what! If u can ever picturise God doing all such things, a cruel God who tortures beings he has created, would you ever worship him? Do u worship Ravana et..al or destroy them when u celebrate festivals?

As Swami Vivekananda puts it, ‘The greatest sin is to think yourself weak’. So, stand up and question! Raise a protest! Let them know they can’t take you for granted! Bell Bajao!

And pls pls pls pls SAY NO TO DOWRY!

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month!