The title bcoz yeh Autowale kewal apna zabaan chalate hai.

Preface: I make the return trip from office back home by an auto almost everyday other than when I am in sync with the better half who happens to be my chauffeur too[paid in terms of love :)]. On other days, he becomes my bitter half :grrrr bcoz I have had enuf … just enuf of these autowalas!
Whether recession or not, I dont use the bus or the local train; I know I am a bad girl or may be not; they are not frequent enuf and u see work @ home is waiting for me.

P.S: Office to home is 7 kms; both prime locations.
Min fare Rs 12; Rs.7/k.m

Scene 1:

Me: Auto Auto

Autowala: Kahan jaana hai madam?
Me: ****
Autowala:Kya denge? [Arre, paisa bhai aur kya :P] 110 de dijiye [Double charge early in the morning Ooopsss]
Me: Police station chaloge kya?

This is the scene on most of the days and is the better of the lot I tell you. Range varies from 70 – 200. And I keep calculating if I dont get such a stupid driver on these many days, I can buy this Tee, that scarf, that something with the money I save. There are other days when they don’t ask for anything but their meters do; can definitely win Olympic medals I tell ya. And if u tell then “Bhaiyya, aap ke meter teek nahi hai; this is my usual route”, I get to hear
‘Aap pehali customer hai jo aise bol rahi hai (Yahoo!first somewhere atleast)” or “Yahi pe utar jaiye; doosra auto le lijiye” [Usually its jao, le lo; am just being soft to myself]

Scene 2:

I get into the auto. So happy there’s one gentleman out there who just puts the meter down
without a word being said. Pinch myself to check if am not dreaming.
A few steps ahead and he is supposed to take a U-turn to the right; stupid fellow comes completely to the left. I ask him why he is doing that to hear “Andhi hai kya? Traffic hai?” Straight out of the gentleman’s mouth. People behind who want to go straight honk and honk and test I get a free hearing threshold test done.

At last, this stupid fellow fails to take the U and goes right.

Me: Bhaiyya, is raaste main U-turn bahut door hai; kahan tak leke jayenge; Auto rokiye; main utar jaati hoon.
Gentleman[no more one though]: Rukiye na; sirf 1 km aage hai :)) [Happy that he earns so much extra]
Me: Main kyun extra paise baroo? As though I asked him to take me for a joy ride.
Autowala: No problem, madam ji. Kam de dijiyega.

After some twists and turns, he comes back to my actual starting point. I ask him to put the meter down there and that I will pay whatever it costs from there.

Autowala: Tu kya pagal hai? Traffic main kaise meter chaloo karu?

[I am blind; mad. And this fellow teaches me what all we cant do in the traffic. Hello boss, I have been riding a two wheeler for more than 10 yrs now and a 4-wheeler for
7 yrs]

He becomes a ok-ok gentleman again.

Autowala: No pareshaani madam. Kam de dijiyega.

Uff! Heaving a sigh of relief. Destination reached. I had already mentally calculated the amount
and made sure I get down from the auto and then give him so that he cant take me for a joy ride again :P.

Autowala: Saali, kya samajthi hai apne aapko; itne kam deti hai? Aur 10 dena; 20 dena; 12 Rs per km hai. Maroonga ek; tere maa ki.
How crude is that?

I try to gather a few passers-by who dont care; thankfully hit upon another autodriver who comes to my rescue and then after some more blah,blah this fellow drives away.

To top it all, this happens on a day when one of my close friends form Bangalore is flying to Denver next day via Hyderabad, she doesn’t know Hyderabad well and is waiting for me at a place which she has just heard about from me and knows nothing else about it for more than an hour. Oh God, which side did I wake up from today?

This tops my list of experiences.

Scene 3:

Taking hubby to a hospital; even though not an emergency, it needed care ASAP. Unfortunately, due to this and that, auto was the only available option that day.

Time: 5:45 a.m

We ask the auto fellow to drive slow which just goes off his head. Tired telling him the same thing again and again. Now, this fellow goes and stops
at a petrol pump and I ask him what he is upto, we have to get to the hospital soon. He had seen the situation.

Me: Bhaiyya, pehale kyun nahin bataya ki petrol pump jaana hai?
Autowala: Aapne kyun nahin bataya ki petrol pump nahin jaana hai?

Can u beat that?

Scene 4:

Promise you this is going to be the last. I found this very funny.

The usual beginnning …. blah blah. Then I tell him his meter is not right; running too fast etc etc.
And now, the response.

Autowala(rather advice-wala): Madam, main samajta hoon ki behtar yahi hai ki aap ke Scooty Pep khareed lijiye; aapko bhi pareshaani nahi hogi; hum auto drivers bhi bachenge aapse
Me: Rolling eyes; almost faints.

P.S: U were right Daddy, a car is not a bad idea for my bday/anniversary gift.

And yeah hubby, I was wrong when I said driving a car in Hyderabad traffic is difficult for me; rather bugging. Its not; or atleast better than the back-seat ride in the autos. Please do the needful. πŸ™‚